Love in Later Life: Sandra and Graham

Sandra, 77, met Graham, 76, at ExtraCare’s Hagley Road Village. Their friendship grew into something more. Sandra discusses finding love again in later life and what it means to her.

Could you share your journey of finding love later in life?

I came to Hagley Road Village years ago with a friend and used to do keep fit and other classes, I moved in three years later, after I lost my partner during the covid pandemic, it was my son who suggested I go and live at the village. In my career I owned a hairdressing business which I opened when I was 18. Six years ago, I finally retired. I moved to Hagley Road after. Graham’s been here for seven years.

Our relationship started out as a friendship. Graham would help me to do jobs, he would put my shelves up without ladders and put-up blinds and bulbs. It certainly helped as he’s 6’5!

We started to go out in a group, we went to other ExtraCare shows, Graham would take us in the car, it began as friendship and blossomed from there. We’ve now been together 3 years.

Graham lives six doors down from me, it’s brilliant as we have our own space. I love that so I don’t think we’ll be sharing an apartment in the future.

He’s still got his friends he goes golfing with and I have my friends. It’s important to still keep your respective friendships.

Graham came here because his uncle was here. He was ill previously with asbestos related issues, now seven years on he has just returned from a golfing holiday. That’s the beauty of this place.

How has your perspective on love and relationships evolved over the years, and how is it different now compared to when you were younger?

To me there aren’t all that many differences. I lost my first partner, husband David at just 53 and I thought ‘never again’, then I met Brian who I spent 20 years with and never married before losing him in the Covid pandemic. I spent years on my own after losing Brian. My relationship now with Graham is a friendship partnership which is wonderful, we go out and have meals so neither of us have to cook.

Did you actively seek a romantic partner in later life, or did the connection happen unexpectedly?

I had been with Brian for twenty years when I lost him, so I wasn’t looking for anything. Graham asked me to go for coffee and at first, I said no. Eventually he said, ‘I’m going to ask you again alright?’, he did, and I decided to go for it. We went out, and the rest is history. It is nice to have a man in your life!

How did you navigate dating and building relationships as an older individual? Were there any unique obstacles you faced, and how did you overcome them?

Sometimes having a relationship in a village, it can be too close quarters with other residents.

What advice would you give to others who are hoping to find love or companionship in their later years?

Go to everything that’s on. People are very kind here, so get involved in everything. I think this place is marvellous, I could not imagine being alone anywhere else. Today people can move forward, back in the day people just gave up after they lost someone or a relationship ended, now you can find someone. I go down every morning to the bistro and have a coffee and talk to people it just sets me up for the day.

What is your favourite thing about Graham?

Graham looks like Russ Abbot; he was tall too! He has a great sense of humour and he makes me laugh, we’re the table at events that is always laughing. Everyone likes him. 

In your opinion, what are some misconceptions or stereotypes surrounding older people and dating? How can society change its perceptions on this topic?

People need to move forward, by showing them you can be happy I hope I can encourage people that you have to go for it. I have sons and having Graham frees up their time, so they don’t feel they have to do so much for me.

My wine glass is always half full. Recently I took my granddaughter on a cruise with me and Graham and I are going on a river cruise after Christmas for 7 days to Germany and Austria. Having a man in my life has kept me healthy, it keeps you young. I have done a lot of things I never thought I’d do. I even sing at karaoke now. Life’s wonderful if you embrace it!